Tuesday, August 23, 2011

My Inner Aching

Lately, I feel much like Tiffany Aching in A Hat Full of Sky - only instead of witches and magic, it's writers and the writing community. Like Tiffany, I feel like I'm bumbling, and brilliant to myself, but no one pays you any notice until you've made a name for yourself. Let's face it, I'm no Mistress Weatherwax... yet.

Tiffany has all this power in her. She defeated a faerie queen! But the other young witches don't believe her. They can't even see her invisible hat! No one is there to teach her the ropes, and even the witch she's apprenticed to seems nothing more than a lonely old woman desperate for someone to talk to besides herself.

I'm not a witch (though I have a black cat), but I definitely understand how Tiffany feels. You're not like those around you. You have something inside you you just have to share with the world or you might burst. It would be nice to have a friend in this new, and unfamiliar world, wouldn't it?

It's hard when no one cares about your magic but you, and those who do care are far, far away. It's hard when you know you're someplace you've always wanted to be, and you don't understand any of it. No one can come with you but others like you, but they are so caught up in their own magic, their own egos, or trying not to look like bumblers themselves, that they can't stop to help the 'new girl'.

All you want to do is fly on a broomstick - soar high and marvel people, but every time you get on a broomstick, you throw up. All you want is the chance, but all you see so far is a lot of work, a lot of waiting, until you are allowed to show the world your magic. You've already worked for a long time, and now you are with someone who could teach you the magic, but she makes you wait. It's all bottled up inside you, and still you wait.

I understand you, Tiffany. I understand you very well.

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