I've needed time. Last week was the start of NaNoWriMo and the work on my house. I hardly had time to think, let alone focus. I did the obligatory things like work and daily activities. But creative things mean you have to stop normal thought processes and open yourself up to write, and to feel. When I feel, I'm sad. I miss Pip. Everyone's clamoring about word count and the world is moving on... fast. Holidays are coming. It's really an awful time to lose someone. You don't get the time you need to mourn them, to miss them. Something else is waiting to steal your time away.
I've debated posting this because I worried people didn't want to hear about 'sad' things in my blog. I already posted how devastated I was when my *incredibly* good friend died October 22. People already know about it, but I can't just move on that easily. She's going to show up in blog posts sometimes. And that's okay.
I've realized after the fact that she'd become a huge part of me. That's why my world felt shattered when she died. It didn't seem like her to die. It didn't feel right. But we're never really ready for it. If it had been another year more or fifty, I couldn't imagine a world without Pip.
I continue to pray for her family. And I want to thank them. I felt so fictional and useless when I got that news. I was only an online friend, like a character from our RP sessions. I didn't think anyone knew about me from Pip's 'real' life. But they let me know that they knew about me, that they were touched by the blog post I wrote about her. They liked the song I picked for her. They even used my words in her eulogy. And that... that was the greatest thing I could've imagined. I felt real in her life then. I felt like I could reach across the oceans and give something back. I'm happy I got to make that contribution, and that they thought enough of me to let me. I feel honored, and touched.
Thanks, Pip's family. You're just wonderful people.